Growth Spurts....Not Just for Kids

Yesterday was a very hard day with Noah. His emotions were out of control. It felt like a surprise attack. By nap time my patience was wafer thin, by the time Nick got home, my emotional state was starting to reflect Noah's (and vice versa). I escaped after dinner for a cooling off period of unsatisfying retail therapy, Nick got the kids in bed, and then we settled into a "situation room" dialogue evaluating what had happened and discussing next steps.

I came to Starbucks for my writing date, intending to discuss what we learned, what we are trying, and what is working. But before I started to write I opened my Bible:

"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for he grants sleep to those he loves." Psalm 127: 1-2

My heart is not proud. Oh Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore." Psalm 131

How I needed to hear those words tonight. My eyes are haughty and my heart is proud. I labor and toil endlessly to understand how to be the best parent I can be. I am in many capacities what Kevin Leman refers to as a "Super Parent" in his book "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours." My way of coping with both failures and uncertainties as a parent is to research until I am so overwhelmed that Nick has to step in, close the computer, take my book away, and remind me to take a break. Honestly, I think that research does a lot of good. The difference in Noah yesterday and Noah today is almost unfathomable. But! As a friend of mine is often saying, "I need to let the Lord show me how to take care of my kids" All the research in the world will be fruitless if I am not asking God to show me the needs of my children, to quiet my heart, and give me the strength, creativity, and energy to train the children the Lord blessed us with as HE desires them to be trained.

I appreciate that Solomon wrote in his psalm that "He [the Lord] grants sleep to those He loves!" I can not imagine more inspiring, comforting words to mothers and fathers of young children (as well as the majority of western civilization). If I had a commentary with me I would probably discover that the poetic nature of the psalms breathes into this verse broader life and meaning - perhaps that God provides for those He loves. But, in his poetry Solomon said SLEEP, and I'm gonna roll with that for now. Poetic or not, that is a promise that I can totally get on board with! :-)

I have said to a few friends recently that I feel like I'm going through a parenting growth spurt. In only two years I can remember several similar experiences, usually marked by Noah's increasing mobility. These growth spurts always seem like an increased loss in personal freedom. The brat in me rebels and says, "But I want to do X." Our experience with Noah yesterday was just this. I was coming off a day where I didn't get anything done, and what I did accomplish got undone. So I decided I would spend the day trying to feel "accomplished." I engaged Noah where I was able to, took care of necessities, but mostly I just tried do my own thing. HA! The kid can play independently, but he knows when he's being ignored. As a result of our conversation last night we agreed that Noah had too many age INappropriate freedoms, especially regarding the way he spent his day. The ends result being that I needed to structure Noah's day in a way that would be life giving to both of us.

Structuring time is a learned principle, that I utilize when necessary, not something that is naturally freeing for me. Regardless, today I had a plan. We moved from activity to activity (sibling play, free time, room time, music time, art time, outside play, helping mommy time, guided play, etc), and I still managed to get a shower, gets meals ready, have a little personal down time, and by the end of the day I had only responded to about 3 tantrums, all of which were much more short lived. Like a baby fights sleep during a growth spurt, I think I am likely to fight choosing to do this initially, but eventually the baby gives into what she needs and with the Lord's help so will I.

Noah "reading" his pillow - his new favorite room time activity

In the meantime...before I headed out for my evening at Starbucks, Nick and I spent our "family time" tickling, playing games, trying to learn more of Noah's words, and relishing the sound of their giggles, shrieks, and coos. I think I photograph our family so much because I am so afraid of them growing up too fast. I just never want to forget how wonderful we have it with these two beautiful kids! It is good that God gives us several years of letting go incrementally, before we have to release them to adult hood.

Abby in her crib just before I lowered the mattress.
Speaking of growing up too fast....

Thank you for reading!!!

Pure Joy!

Tuesday afternoon mom and I were chatting (as we often do) and she expressed her impatience to see her grandchildren again. I told her I thought she should kidnap dad and just get on the road. Within 2 hours a spontaneous trip was planned and in motion. They arrived a little after midnight and spent two days lavishing their love on our family. It was an absolutely incredible two days. In The Shack we learn that we have relationship with one another, first and foremost because God has relationship within himself in the Trinity. That concept is revolutionary to me! To know that God has not just thrown us into all these messy relationships without a model to follow or hope to get through the more challenging (or even downright awful) moments is incredibly encouraging. Perhaps I am bold to say this, but these last two days seemed to be filled with moments of living out relationship as God intends it - honest, encouraging, full of grace and beauty, intimate, and loving. I am so blessed to have parents who love my children, respect my husband, and are willing to drive six hours just to be part of our daily chaos for two days!
Perhaps one of the most FUN moments was Noah discovering the joy of a pile of leaves. Two year olds are considered "terrible"at least in part because their emotions are so raw and unharnessed. When this is a negative emotion it is frustrating for everyone, but when that emotion is joy...oh if only I could protect the rawness of that joy so that he could carry it with him forever! You can see more images on our flickr website. I realize I have said nothing of Abby, and that is mostly because she is just doing so well. Today she turned 5 months old, and I started her on rice cereal which she readily accepted. She is in her first week of consistently sleeping through the night, which brings the promise of an extended day time schedule not too far away. (For you Babywise parents, we didn't get started until 3 months, and she is now on 3-3.5 hour schedule, 3 naps, and a 75-90 min waketime) She smiles and laughs and communicates constantly! She seems to be passing by milestones much more quickly, and I am sure that is a function of her being a second child. I would wait and wait for Noah to reach a milestone. With Abby it's like I wake up one day and realize "oh she can sit up without much support - COOL!" Nick and I have found ourselves missing (yes really) our Madison winter. NOT because of the snow, but because of the sheer joy we had in being together everyday. I asked him today if he could remember the smell of our home during winter - the smell associated with baking bread, staying in cozy robes until late morning, playing cards, being together all day long as a family. When we have been married for 65 years we will still remember that special winter where God took away our worldly security and gave us the gift of time together. We constantly return to the lessons we learned during those six months of unemployment as we build our life here in Northeast Ohio. I may blog more about those details later, but what is most important is that we continue to be confident that God has brought us here and is unfolding His plan for us. Praise the Lord for his Goodness!

Mommy and Noah date

This has been a wonderful morning! Noah and I went on a date! He had an appointment to get his hair cut, and after a very patient hair dresser finished making sense of his massive head of hair I did a fast Starbucks run to get him his first hot chocolate. We then drove to the town square park to drink our chocolate yummyness and play while waiting for Nick and Abby to join us for lunch at a local coffee shop.
I have to say I really don't understand my son! HE REFUSED HOT CHOCOLATE. He's refused chocolate milk too. I have raised him on such healthy beverage choices that he refuses anything that is sweet. I'm sure I shouldn't complain, but I just can not comprehend it. However, what he did not refuse was any and every opportunity to walk around town, holding my hand and learning about everything he saw. We talked about trees, leaves, trash cans, stairs, the sky, clouds, buildings, crosswalks, cars, trains, flowers, and autumn to name a few. He was so fascinated by everything.

Noah and I both need more days like today to be together learning about each other, enjoying the fall air and crunching leaves. I'm so grateful for my curious, mostly obedient, and genuinely delightful son! And to top it off, as if to thank me for a fun morning outdoors, he actually ate a SANDWICH. Don't laugh. It's not funny. My options for feeding this child lunch have been so hampered by his lack of interest in sandwiches. The door has just swung wide open to more options at meal times. Thank goodness!

Noah says Mama

A special Friendship

One of the more frustrating aspects of my story is that I have very dear friends all over the country. I am grateful to have these friends, but I wish I could keep them all with me. This last month the Lord has shown me the joy of continuing to invest in some of those friendships, and particularly with the woman who was my "best friend" through most of my childhood. I suppose Meghan and I were 8 or 9 years old when we met. That means we went through puberty together, and that in and of itself makes it a miracle that we are still close! :-) We made our lists of guys we liked, played MASH, spent 200 hours trying to put up a tent in our backyard, and that night my mom came and prayed for our future husbands. We also fought and joined different cliques and had our days of not being so nice. I'm not sure how Meghan remembers those moments, all I remember is that sometimes we really got along and sometimes not. I also remember she loved me even though I wasn't one of the "cool kids".

When we went our separate ways for college, I remember wondering what would happen to this precious friendship. As it happened the distance and maturing of the last nearly 10 years has only brought us closer together. And in 2006 we both married our husbands, and celebrated together in the same backyard where years before my mom had prayed. Now she and her husband are Aunt Meghan and Uncle Jeremy to our kids.

A few weeks ago Meghan gave us the greatest gift by taking time to visit us in our new home and help unpack. Noah's typical response to people is a bit of shyness at first, and then very friendly but not affectionate. Meghan came in and he did the shy bit, but within only a couple hours he was crawling in her lap and having the time of his life. It was such a great joy for me to watch their mutual affection!
During our time in Bluefield, Meghan gave me the best gift I could have hoped for - an evening with a friend without kids. We are both longing for more friendship right now, and she pressed me to figure out how to get away for some girl time. For three whole hours I was not responding to diapers, hungry bellies, and discipline issues, but gabbing with a wonderful woman about the struggles and joys of our lives (which of course included some gabbing about the owners of those diapers). I felt lavished by the love of her friendship, and I pray she does as well. I am so grateful for this beautiful woman!

Going home to our Mountains

We spent the first week of September in Bluefield and Roanoke. This was our first trip back since we were laid off, and it was nice coming home in a more stable place. The main reason for our trip was to have Abby baptized at CTK, our Church in Roanoke. I keep expecting to be disappointed when I return to Roanoke. After all, it has been a year since we left, and I know even if we moved back it would never be exactly the same. But I wasn't disappointed at all! Seeing my friends, worshiping at CTK, and driving around Roanoke all felt like coming home. Mercifully, leaving was not nearly as traumatic this time. As I drove from Roanoke to Bluefield I was overcome by the beauty of the area and the emotion of leaving those friends, but I also had hope and confidence that the Lord has great things for us in Ohio. And in fact, as we walked into our house (after a road trip from HELL) we both delighted in being in our home.

(Left to Right: Kim, Val, Me, Rebekah, and Amanda)

One of the highlights from our time in Bluefield was getting to introduce Abigail to her Great Grandparents! Mom and I took the kids to Welch for a visit with Birdie and Pap Pap (my dad's parents). We got to skype with them a few times during Abby's first days, but this was so much better! Abby quickly won them over with her smiles! Isn't that shocking! ;-) Noah always captures the delight of Pap Pap when he expresses his curiosity with the ways things work. He sat in the floor for several minutes figuring out how to screw the cap onto a bottle of water, and later he took Pap Pap's walker for a ride navigating it through doorways with great pride!

I also took Noah and Abby to visit with the Grahams a few times during the week. We were fortunate that our trip corresponded with one of Auntie Ashleigh's trips home so the kids got to see both of their aunts. Adrienne is 4 years old, and she and Noah seem to be able to play together pretty well now. Ashleigh is having a little girl this December, so Noah is going to be well out numbered! Just like his father it seems he is going to be the only boy in a family full of women. Should be good for him. :-)

Moving to Ohio, Part II

We pulled into Medina July 31 after a very long drive. Nick was pretty nervous about whether or not I'd like the house, and having picked our home in Madison I understood that fear. However, he got exactly what he was hoping for - me bouncing up and down with excitement! Our home is beautiful, inside and out. My favorite feature is that the kids' bedrooms are painted beautifully - one for a girl, one for a boy. Additionally, this is the first home where our furniture actually FITS the space! The neighborhood is full of children, and the neighbors are genuinely welcoming. My backyard neighbor has two kids the same distance and age as Noah and Abby, and we are already becoming quick friends. We've been here nearly a month and this already feels more like home then our neighborhood in Madison ever did.

Dining room that we converted to playroom for Noah.
Mom found that table at yard sale for $75, all trains and track included!!

I love our kitchen!!! We have an island!

We jumped into gear very quickly when we arrived. In fact, we opened up the truck and unloaded our mattress the first night in order to avoid staying in another hotel. As of right now there are a few boxes to deal with here and there, but just about everything is done. That success is due partially to the fact that we are tired of living in transition, but mostly to the help of family and my friend Meghan who all visited over the course of this month. Actually, for having been here a month we have had a lot of visitors. My parents and sister were here our first week to help with the grand kids while we did the majority of the unpacking. Nick's aunt and uncle happened to be in Cleveland for some classes, then his college roommate and girlfriend were driving through, and last week my lifelong friend, Meghan, came for a few days to help out and play with her adopted niece and nephew. Their company has been really invaluable to me, especially since I don't actually know people yet.

The kids are all doing very well. Abigail is clueless about all the fuss, and just doing her growing thing. Her smile is absolutely captivating! Noah struggled for the first week, but is doing well now. That first week he had a hard time sleeping day or night. The day everyone left we spent a lot of time cuddling and playing together and since that day he is back to 3 hour naps and 11-12 hours at night - Praise the Lord! Regarding the cuddling...Noah has been extraordinarily affectionate since we've been here. He climbs into my lap for hugs, sits with me while I nurse, and randomly gives hugs and kisses. I am sure that he is reaching out for that extra measure of security amidst all the change. For as long as it lasts I LOVE IT!In the meantime, Nick is continuing to love his work. They have given him August to set up his office, catch up on office work, and become familiarized with the staff and the system. Starting in September he has some regional and national trips, including one to Alaska in November. I'm so incredibly jealous! Abby is being baptized at our church in Roanoke Sept. 6 so I will be in the Bluefield/Roanoke area Aug.31-Sept. 7, and Nick will join us over Labor Day weekend. We are so excited to come home (for the first time since last Christmas) to introduce our darling little girl! Last time we were home Noah wasn't even walking...now he RUNS!

Please pray for our church search. Not having a church in Madison was really hard on us, and we have jumped into this search quickly. There has been a lot of discussion in our family this year about church and trying to understand what is essential and what is not. Ultimately, we want to be where the Lord wants us. Please pray that the Lord will give us wisdom and confidence as we look for a new church home.

For a year I have blogged about moving, transitions, new jobs, new baby, etc. I'm done. No, I'm not closing the blog. This is one of the few places where I can just sit with the mess of thoughts in my head, and work through them without driving anyone crazy. :-) I dare to claim, not with arrogance, but in faith, that we are done with major life transitions for a couple years. Yesterday, Nick and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary, and what we most want to give each other is some time for stability. Since 2006 we have moved four times; I finished my bachelor's degree, Nick his master's degree; we got engaged and married; Nick has had three jobs, including a 6 month term of unemployment; we've had two children, and now here we are INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL for the life we have, but ready to be done with that pace of significant changes. I trust that if the Lord has other plans for us that He will give us the strength to press forward, but I can also pray that the Lord would hear our prayer for a couple uneventful years, except for the natural "eventfulness" of two crazy kids and two goofy adults.

Moving to Ohio, Part 1

It astonishes me how many times I have started trying to write this blog. Today the kids are napping, the main level of my house is done, and there is nothing seriously pressing other than getting dinner ready so I'm hoping that I might make it past the first few sentences. I have decided to write the story of the last few weeks in two parts for the simple reason that trying to think through all that has happened in one blog is just too overwhelming. So let me begin with our final days in Madison...

Once we got home from the hospital with Abby I started creating our moving plan. I thrive on organizing events like this. In fact, providing for my family by putting together our move is very satisfying for me; it helps me remember that I have more gifts than diaper changing and meal planning. By the time the last week arrived I was full of anticipation! I had tried to prepare for potential problems, but I still expected something to go wrong. It didn't. Every aspect of our move went so smoothly - costs were as expected, people showed up on time, and the 6 day time line I had planned out was very effective. The most trouble we had was that the movers forgot to load our back up filing cabinet. We gave it to some friends who needed it, and now it is actually being used! As we drove out of Madison I felt very proud of myself. As I began praying I was reminded that it all went so well because this IS what the Lord wants for us. I am so very grateful He used me to execute the details of HIS plan for our family!
In the meantime, Nick and I were both trying to process what it meant for us to be leaving Madison. While neither of us have a great deal of emotion about leaving, we both feel a real sense of loss and unmet potential. With the arrival of summer we had begun to discover why everyone says Madison is a great place to live. In addition our friendships within our small group and my Titus Mom's group were really just starting to deepen. We were never in love with our home, but within that home we endured Nick's layoff, my second pregnancy, hosted our first family Holiday, saw Noah take his first steps, welcomed our daughter, saw our marriage tested and strengthened, and played at least 200 games of gin while looking out over a very white landscape. Madison is not insigificant.

Because of that significance I hoped we would have moments to celebrate the friendships and acknowledge this transition. As our lives were so scattered and our time so short, I held out very little hope. Once again, the Lord revealed to me just how deeply he knows me by sending me opportunities to say good-bye to our closest friends in meaningful ways. My Titus leader organized a play date to say goodbye (picture below). Another Titus mom called me up one day and said "I don't care if you are packing we're coming over. We have to say goodbye!" Two of the couples from our small group came over on separate occasions, brought dinner, and gave us some of the most meaningful adult time we'd had in weeks! I am quite certain that some of these friendships are the kind that will stay with us over time, even if only from a distance. Madison was not a mistake.Additionally, admist the chaos Nick's parents came to visit in order to help with our move. They had never been to our Madison home, and I don't know how we would have gotten through those final days of packing without them! Their help with Noah and Abby made it possible for us to focus on the move, and it was so much fun watching them play with their grandkids! Noah was a little shy at first, but warmed up quickly and Abby captured everyone's hearts as she usually does! :-)And now I get to the best part of the story...We talked to Noah about the move well in advance. As we packed things we would talk about going to a new home and a new city. We are always unsure how much he understands, but we know that if nothing else it helps build language and the context will follow soon. Finally, the last day arrived, the cleaners were finishing up, and I asked Nick to verify that we weren't leaving anything upstairs. Nick took Noah with him and as they walked from room to room, Nick continued in our process of talking to Noah about the move. He said things like "this is mommy and daddy's room. Doesn't it look different without everything in it." and "Look, Noah, our furniture is gone and on it's way to our new house". They got to Noah's room and Nick said to him that it was time to say good-bye to his room. Noah, in response leaned his head on Nick's shoulder and waved good-bye... I think the true emotion, the true loss is felt by our little guy who is having his safe and predictable life uprooted and is unable to understand that it will all get better very soon.We pulled out of Madison around 11:30a on July 30. When I pick up with part two, I'll let you know how things have been going since we arrived at our new home here in Medina, Ohio!

Sometimes I just have to laugh...

Okay, so tonight was hysterical. I took my first time away from both kids to do some grocery shopping. Nick handled it beautifully. Having gone through this with Noah, the idea of being on his own with a breast-fed infant doesn't scare him as much. As a result, I'm not nearly as anxious leaving Abby behind as I was with Noah. I walked in the door an hour later and they were all content - Abby in her bassinet sucking at her pacifier, Noah eating an "appetizer", and Nick had the pasta cooking and doing internet research. He said that the kids had taken turns crying, but his humor was still in tact.

Throughout the minutes of getting in groceries, determining what Abby needs, and checking in with Nick, Noah has been on and off cranky. It is later than usual for dinner, and understandably he is hungry. I'm not going to get mad at him because we made him wait, but he is testing us. At one point he crawls up next to me while I'm trying to nurse Abby, both of them are screaming. Nick and I look at each other and just start screaming over them. It makes no sense to be upset, we're doing the best we can to get everyone taken care of, so we just join the shouting match. Besides when we do that it normally entertains Noah enough that he stops for minute.

Nursing isn't working though and Abby is screaming. She is overtired and hot. She also just finished a growth spurt and so is off schedule. I realize that she needs to sleep and a bath would probably be a good idea. It has been a few days and she is really hot. I always sleep better after a bath!

Anyway...I finally get Abby in the bath tub (in the kitchen) and it has gotten quiet. Too quiet. Then suddenly I hear a thud, my heels get wet, and Noah starts screaming. He managed to grab the full gallon jug of milk off the kitchen counter and it has exploded on the floor. He is standing there looking shocked, very guilty, and quite sad. Nick comes to the rescue, employs Noah in the cleaning up process and the half of the sink not dedicated to Abby's bath gets the leaking milk jug...

Abby's crying stopped as soon as she got dried, dressed, and swaddled. We rocked for a while in the peacefulness of her nursery and she was quickly subdued, though every now and then a single sob would break through. She will sleep well I think.

Noah joined Nick and I for a long overdue dinner and ended the night with a face full of chili, a warm bath, "Guess How Much I Love You", and the sweet cuddles and goodnight signs of his bedtime routine.

Nights like this I am grateful for humor and bedtime.

Looks like I was wrong though, Abby needs to eat again....

Back to being a full time mom

Writing has become a luxury in my life. With a house to pack, a 5 week old to nurse, and an 18 month old to keep alive sometimes just getting a shower takes extreme effort. However, things are getting better.

Nick's first week at work was my first week back at my job as full time mom. It was a hard week. I spent a lot of time in my car going for Starbucks or just driving around. Occasionally there was a practical reason for the drive, but often it was just to give me space to breathe. In the car, Abby sleeps, Noah sits patiently, and I can listen to my own music, talk to friends, or just enjoy the silence. I love my car. We are now in Nick's third week of work (which by the way is going very well) and things aren't quite as bad. I still love my car, but I don't reach for the keys as quickly. I'm learning how to teach Noah to be a helper around the house, and he is learning to play on his own. In fact, this morning he played in his room for 30 min without melting down. I am constantly amazed by how rapidly he learns. Along with extending his sign language, he also started saying "uh oh." So fantastic. In addition, we are having more opportunities to begin parenting Noah's heart as his range of emotions develop. When he throws a tantrum because he is frustrated I don't love it, but when we work through the frustration and he learns one tantrum at a time to manage that frustration it is so rewarding! I have realized that I'm not as much of a baby person as I thought. Don't get me wrong I adore my little Abigail, and I fully appreciate the fact that she stays where I put her, sleeps most of the day, and is just so tiny and cute. However, for the most part I think I see this newborn phase as something to endure until she develops more personality and ability to communicate.

I have had a few different turning points over the last several days, each of which has helped me extend myself a bit more grace. I really get excited about parenting theories and have spent hours reading. On top of it I am a perfectionist. Combine my enthusiasm with the reality of my brokenness and I often end up feeling like I must be the only mom who can't seem to get it right. Then I look at my two healthy kids and wonder how many other mom's have that exact same feeling.

Parenting theories do a lot of good, especially as they help us understand our child's development and provide structure for navigating the countless decisions and issues that come with each child. But there comes a point where clinging to a particular theory (i.e. Babywise vs. attachment parenting) prevents building community. I don't want to be the kind of mom or friend that is so caught up in doing it "right" - as I define "right" - that I can't be available to learn from and support others who do it differently. Ironically, Baby Wise moms (that would be me), who are most often stereotyped for being inflexible and rigid in their approach, too easily forget that one of the foundational BW principles is the authority of the parent to adjust the program based on the needs of the family and the individual child. Just as no two children are alike no two homes following the same theory will be the same. Maybe to my readers this isn't news, but to me, this is revelation. The temptation to compare myself to others and to wallow in guilt and self pity because I think I should be doing better is so prevelant. I pray that the Lord will continue to free me from that temptation, so that I can direct my energy into more genuinelly loving my family and other moms who find themselves at the end of the day thinking that they are the only ones who can't get it right.

In the meantime, back in the day to day reality of things, we are slowly packing. We have found a home in Medina, OH that we are really excited about, and the details are coming together. I thrive on organizing and planning, so it has been fun for me to put together the move. Our last day in Madison is July 30. I think we will be a little sad to leave, but mostly we are just really ready to get settled in our new city. Ohio here we come!

Mom's Birthday Surprise

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Originally uploaded by hgraham06

June 15 was mom's birthday and Nick's first day of work. He didn't have any clients scheduled, but he made up a story about working in Beloit, WI and instead of going to work he went to pick up Jen from the airport. He came home told mom he lied and she should come outside to help him with a package that he had picked up. THIS was the moment mom saw Jen and realized what was happening! Priceless!!

A Family of Four

As I look at this photo it is hard for me to believe that my own family is now the same size as the family I grew up in. Dad took this photo outside our home in Madison about a week after we came home, and the look on Noah's face is still a fairly accurate portrayal of his feelings about Abby - a mixture of curiosity, affection and mild trepidation. He has acted out with me a lot over the last week, and I've discovered that the exhaustion that comes with newborns is nothing compared to the emotional exhaustion of trying to stay consistent with Noah as we both navigate through this transition. I do make sure that the two of us get time together as often as possible, and that always seems to be the best medicine.
Thankfully, Noah can also be incredibly affectionate with Abby. This next picture is from the first week at home, and is how Noah "hugs" her. I LOVE it!!! His most recent thing is giving her kisses, and actually the first time he did that was such a perfect example of the dichotomy of his response to her. Noah leaned down gave her two very gentle kisses on her forehead and then all of a sudden his hand came slamming down on her head!
In the meantime, Abigail is so easy! Oh my word, it is amazing! In part, I think our reading, discussing, and sorting through parenting styles is paying off, but we also just seem to have been blessed with a child that is fairly content. She is SO LITTLE!!! Oh my word, it just amazes me how tiny she is. Though at least at two weeks I don't feel like she'll break if I touch her the wrong way! :-) Mom is convinced that she smiles intentionally, though I don't think that's actually possible yet. We are a Baby Wise family, and I've been really pleased with how things are going so far. Abby put herself on a three hour schedule the day she was born. At night she sleeps between 3.5-5 hours consistently. We are working on adding wake times after feedings. The most difficult thing for me right now is actually having the discipline to get her up to eat at 3 hours. She likes to sleep so much that she'll go for 4-5 hours if would let her. For those of you who remember our struggle with Noah not sleeping well anywhere but our arms, I am happy to say that is not the case with Abby. She sleeps well in both her bassinet and her crib! Praise the Lord!

My postpartum healing has been going well. My postpartum emotions are....fine. Depending on the day that could really mean I'm doing well or stand for "Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional" HA! I've been enormously blessed to have so much help! Mom, of course, is here helping. Dad, and our cousin Molly, were here for the first week. Initially, I felt completely overwhelmed by the idea that I would have to manage the needs of these two kids once mom leaves and Nick returns to work, but as I've started feeling better, I'm also gaining more confidence in my ability to handle it. I've started delaying how quickly I ask for help in order to take the opportunities to figure out what I'm going to do when Noah needs to get out of bed and I'm in the middle of nursing, etc.

Regarding Nick's work, his official start date is this Monday, June 15. They have not been able to get much on the calendar for him yet, but that just gives us more time together. As Nick continues interacting with his new boss, we continue to see that the Lord really does know what He's doing! Cleveland is starting to get exciting!

Having Abby has made us even more grateful that we will be closer to both of our families! It certainly was wonderful that mom and dad got to enjoy Abby's first days. They are such happy grandparents! We think Nick's parents may be able to come around the time of our move. They have graciously offered to drive a moving truck for us if we go that route. In the meantime, Nick has been to Cleveland to start the housing search, and we are hoping to get that finalized over the next week. We will both be grateful to see the pieces of this move beginning to come together!

Abigail Elizabeth Graham

...finally arrived!!!! She was born May 30, 2009 at 7:28a.m. weighing 7lb 10 oz and 20 inches long at Meriter Hospital in Madison, Wisconsin. She is already nursing extremely well, and I am quickly recovering. The fact that I am blogging less than 12 hours later should speak to that... :-) (Also, pictures are up on flickr)
Labor was very fast and intense! I woke up at 3:30a.m., was at the hospital by 5:15a.m., and she was born just over two hours later, with less than 15 minutes of pushing. I did manage to go drug-free, and I think I'm glad. The memory of the pain is still so fresh that it is hard to feel conviction on that right now. What I am sure of is that Nick's coaching is one of the primary ways the Lord provided for me today! Obviously the physical work was up to me, but Nick took charge of the emotional work, giving me the courage to go on when I did not think I could. I am so grateful for the husband, friend, and father that he is!
Noah came to meet his sister this afternoon with my mom. I'll have a video later. Essentially, he came into the room, was fascinated by her for about a minute, and then set off to explore. He returned to look at her periodically, but he has no clue what kind of impact this is about to have on his life! He did seem glad to see Nick and I, and I was certainly thrilled to see him! We are so blessed to have these little children. I'm also grateful that mom is here to take care of him. I did not worry about him at all during labor, knowing that he would be comfortable with mom.
Bonding with Abby has been a harder experience for me then it was with Noah. Perhaps some of that is the fact that this isn't all new, but I also think this was a more difficult experience than I expected. The element of pain was more overwhelming then I could possibly have been prepared for, and then the midwife had to leave just as I started pushing because of an emergency situation in another room. The backup midwife was on her way, but Abby decided to be born before she could get here. In addition, there was concern about meconium and for the first few seconds after birth she wasn't crying as they hastily cleared out her mouth. I have never lost sight of the reality that I now have a beautiful daughter, but it has been hard for me to allow my emotions time to catch up to that reality. I don't feel guilty about it, and I am quite sure that just as my attachment has grown over the day it will continue growing. However, I do feel like it is important to share the struggle along with the joy, because it is just as real.

Anyhoo....if you are in Madison I would love to have company tomorrow (Sunday). Just give us a call before you come by. If you aren't in Madison then know that I wish you were, and give me a call (or look at plane tickets)! Keep in mind we are in central time. Feel free to call between 9a.m. - 9p.m. our time. I am sure I'll be getting on the phone tomorrow myself. :-)

Our Family of Three

We may not know when Abigail is going to show her pretty little face, but we do know that this evening my mother arrives for a month long visit. As much as we are looking forward to having her around, we are also acutely aware that our daily life as a family of three is ending. In that realization we both feel a genuine sense of loss. We know that Noah will never remember these last 17 months as an only child, and the natural flow of life as we know it is about to experience a series of significant changes. In light of that, we decided to make today a special day. We grabbed pastries from Madeleine's (oh my word so good!) and headed to the park by Henry Vilas Zoo for a breakfast picnic and lots of play!We play in parks with Noah pretty frequently, but today was special and even Nick acknowledged that this was a morning he wouldn't forget easily. Noah is getting more interested in active play, but it amazes me that Noah's world is still so small. We took him out of the stroller in the middle of a huge field, not far from the playground, and all he wanted to do was play with the buckles on his stroller. When we got to the playground for at least 10 minutes he was more interested in mulch then the colorful slides and swings. However, each time he ventured farther away, his delight and his world grew a bit bigger. I am so eager to watch that develop over the next few months.This morning reminded Nick and I that though there will be days and weeks ahead of us that are stressful, our summer doesn't need to be lost to stress entirely. And, even though life is changing again, the Lord remains constant in his faithfulness to us. We see that through the way He provides for us and in Noah's face every day. There really are moments where I just can't seem to get over what a gift that is!

Waiting for Abigail

I am so eager for this Labor to begin. Having never actually gone into labor, I'm fairly nervous about what this will all be like. Don't worry I'm not going to go into the details that would make most readers uncomfortable, but I will say that I know I am making progress. It is hard to know that my body is gearing up, and not know when I'll actually make the 15 minute trip to the hospital.

Every day I battle with myself, knowing that I need to just go about life, enjoy the time with my family, and she'll come when she'll come. On the other hand, I want to be able to put it on a to do list one day and then check it off before going to bed that night. HA! I so know that isn't how it works. Given the importance of mental and physical relaxation for managing the pain of an unmedicated birth days like today really worry me.

However, God reminded me today that ultimately my ability to wait and to endure comes from Him, and not me. What a relief! My labor book talks about going through transition labor and quotes a woman who says, "once you can't take anymore, there isn't anymore to take". That reminded me of the promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." As I wait, I have to lean on that promise.

Cleveland Here We Come!

Hi Friends,

As of today we are no longer unemployed!!!!!!!! Nick will be starting a job with a Medical Physics Consulting firm, based out of Richfield, Ohio mid-June. We won't be relocating until August 1 because the company has graciously offered for Nick to work with one of their local contractors in order to allow us time for the baby to be born, find housing, and for Nick to get some experience he needs to be certified in Ohio. That is a HUGE provision for us.

Many of you know that our first choice was a job in Atlanta. We heard last night "unofficially" that he would not be getting the job, and what was truly amazing is how quickly we moved on. The Lord has clearly been preparing our hearts for that decision. Simultaneously, we have been considering the Ohio offer, which we received at the end of last week. There are aspects of the Ohio job that have concerned us, and our parents have encouraged us not to just take a job because it was the first thing to come along. I have to say that having parents who support us like that is incredible! It was a real gift to be able to make this decision in a positive way, rather than feeling like we had no other choice. That said...as we continued to pray about it we did begin to get excited and recognized that a lot of our hesitations were selfish and short sighted. Those things that aren't necessarily ideal can be worked with. I'm not sure that this is where we will be for the long hall, but it is where we'll be for at least the next two years and hopefully through Nick getting his industry-required Certification. After our experience in Roanoke, we know that God can open doors we never would have expected; we may end up really loving it!

In the meantime, we will be only 5.5 hours from Bluefield, 7 from Roanoke, and 6.5 hours from D.C. where my sister currently lives. YAY! I'm planning on visiting the Southwest Virginia area sometime in the late summer or early fall with Noah and Abigail. The timing will largely depend on how the move works. Consequently, if any of you know the Cleveland area PLEASE send us info, because we know nothing about it.

Thank you all for your diligent prayers and encouragment over the last five months. We are almost as sad that this time is over as we are relieved. It has been a tremendous season of our marriage, marked by the presence of Christ moving our hearts towards Him. Nick has also had the opportunity to really embrace fatherhood, and I have had much needed help and support through the pregnancy. It will be hard to have Nick back on the road. Please continue praying for that transition and for wisdom and guidance in finding housing in Cleveland. In the meantime, what a blessing that we have an answer before our little Abigail joins us. Today she is officially full term, and the sooner she gets here the better! ;-)

All our love and prayers are with you! Nick and Heidi

A Baby Shower...

Digging into community in Madison has been really hard for Nick and I over the last seven months. Fortunately, we were blessed quickly with a small group through the church that our pastor in Roanoke recommended. Relationships have developed slowly as we are the only couple with a small child and our common times for being together do not overlap well. However...we are all transplants to Madison, experiencing a great deal of transition, and struggling through some events in the church that we were a part of that have been very painful for our pastor and community. That, in and of itself, has provided a mutual understanding of life that makes it worth it to persist in finding time together.

That said, it was more than a little amazing to me when they decided to throw a dinner party and couples baby shower for Nick and I. I know it isn't always common to have a shower for a second child, but I have very much missed having opportunities to really celebrate this little girl. This was an answer to a silent prayer of my heart!

Not so surprising was the wonderful time we shared together. Not everyone was able to make it, but for those of us gathered it was genuinely a wonderful celebration of friendship. Leaving that evening I felt a mixture of excitement and sadness, knowing that our group won't be together a whole lot longer.

Consequently, because it was a couples shower we had hoped to leave Noah with a babysitter and have the evening together. It did not work out, and I'm so glad. He slept 3 1/2 hours that afternoon, and was full of charm and delight long into the evening. We enjoyed celebrating with our son, as much as with our friends, and are so grateful for the way everyone pitched in to help keep him safe and entertained.

Visiting the Olsens!

Rikke Olsen and my mother grew up in Solvang, California where they and their mothers were very close friends. As a result, my childhood is full of memories of visiting the Olsen home in Owatonna, MN. Now, many years later, I had the priveledge of continuing the relationship by bringing my young family to meet these dear friends.

I have been privileged throughout my life to develop relationships with friends that have known mom most of her life, and who also knew both of my grandparents. The stories of Grandpa Richard never grow old to me. He passed away when mom was in college, and I have always wished I'd been able to know him. I get my red hair and freckles from him, and according to my mom, also many aspects of my personality. Nick could easily have been bored as we talked about our scandinavian heritage and family history. He was a bit overwhelmed at times, but he absorbed it all gracefully and came away understanding even more about Danish heritage and tradition. It may have been a whirlwind trip, but it was well worth it!