Growth Spurts....Not Just for Kids

Yesterday was a very hard day with Noah. His emotions were out of control. It felt like a surprise attack. By nap time my patience was wafer thin, by the time Nick got home, my emotional state was starting to reflect Noah's (and vice versa). I escaped after dinner for a cooling off period of unsatisfying retail therapy, Nick got the kids in bed, and then we settled into a "situation room" dialogue evaluating what had happened and discussing next steps.

I came to Starbucks for my writing date, intending to discuss what we learned, what we are trying, and what is working. But before I started to write I opened my Bible:

"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for he grants sleep to those he loves." Psalm 127: 1-2

My heart is not proud. Oh Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore." Psalm 131

How I needed to hear those words tonight. My eyes are haughty and my heart is proud. I labor and toil endlessly to understand how to be the best parent I can be. I am in many capacities what Kevin Leman refers to as a "Super Parent" in his book "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours." My way of coping with both failures and uncertainties as a parent is to research until I am so overwhelmed that Nick has to step in, close the computer, take my book away, and remind me to take a break. Honestly, I think that research does a lot of good. The difference in Noah yesterday and Noah today is almost unfathomable. But! As a friend of mine is often saying, "I need to let the Lord show me how to take care of my kids" All the research in the world will be fruitless if I am not asking God to show me the needs of my children, to quiet my heart, and give me the strength, creativity, and energy to train the children the Lord blessed us with as HE desires them to be trained.

I appreciate that Solomon wrote in his psalm that "He [the Lord] grants sleep to those He loves!" I can not imagine more inspiring, comforting words to mothers and fathers of young children (as well as the majority of western civilization). If I had a commentary with me I would probably discover that the poetic nature of the psalms breathes into this verse broader life and meaning - perhaps that God provides for those He loves. But, in his poetry Solomon said SLEEP, and I'm gonna roll with that for now. Poetic or not, that is a promise that I can totally get on board with! :-)

I have said to a few friends recently that I feel like I'm going through a parenting growth spurt. In only two years I can remember several similar experiences, usually marked by Noah's increasing mobility. These growth spurts always seem like an increased loss in personal freedom. The brat in me rebels and says, "But I want to do X." Our experience with Noah yesterday was just this. I was coming off a day where I didn't get anything done, and what I did accomplish got undone. So I decided I would spend the day trying to feel "accomplished." I engaged Noah where I was able to, took care of necessities, but mostly I just tried do my own thing. HA! The kid can play independently, but he knows when he's being ignored. As a result of our conversation last night we agreed that Noah had too many age INappropriate freedoms, especially regarding the way he spent his day. The ends result being that I needed to structure Noah's day in a way that would be life giving to both of us.

Structuring time is a learned principle, that I utilize when necessary, not something that is naturally freeing for me. Regardless, today I had a plan. We moved from activity to activity (sibling play, free time, room time, music time, art time, outside play, helping mommy time, guided play, etc), and I still managed to get a shower, gets meals ready, have a little personal down time, and by the end of the day I had only responded to about 3 tantrums, all of which were much more short lived. Like a baby fights sleep during a growth spurt, I think I am likely to fight choosing to do this initially, but eventually the baby gives into what she needs and with the Lord's help so will I.

Noah "reading" his pillow - his new favorite room time activity

In the meantime...before I headed out for my evening at Starbucks, Nick and I spent our "family time" tickling, playing games, trying to learn more of Noah's words, and relishing the sound of their giggles, shrieks, and coos. I think I photograph our family so much because I am so afraid of them growing up too fast. I just never want to forget how wonderful we have it with these two beautiful kids! It is good that God gives us several years of letting go incrementally, before we have to release them to adult hood.

Abby in her crib just before I lowered the mattress.
Speaking of growing up too fast....

Thank you for reading!!!

Pure Joy!

Tuesday afternoon mom and I were chatting (as we often do) and she expressed her impatience to see her grandchildren again. I told her I thought she should kidnap dad and just get on the road. Within 2 hours a spontaneous trip was planned and in motion. They arrived a little after midnight and spent two days lavishing their love on our family. It was an absolutely incredible two days. In The Shack we learn that we have relationship with one another, first and foremost because God has relationship within himself in the Trinity. That concept is revolutionary to me! To know that God has not just thrown us into all these messy relationships without a model to follow or hope to get through the more challenging (or even downright awful) moments is incredibly encouraging. Perhaps I am bold to say this, but these last two days seemed to be filled with moments of living out relationship as God intends it - honest, encouraging, full of grace and beauty, intimate, and loving. I am so blessed to have parents who love my children, respect my husband, and are willing to drive six hours just to be part of our daily chaos for two days!
Perhaps one of the most FUN moments was Noah discovering the joy of a pile of leaves. Two year olds are considered "terrible"at least in part because their emotions are so raw and unharnessed. When this is a negative emotion it is frustrating for everyone, but when that emotion is joy...oh if only I could protect the rawness of that joy so that he could carry it with him forever! You can see more images on our flickr website. I realize I have said nothing of Abby, and that is mostly because she is just doing so well. Today she turned 5 months old, and I started her on rice cereal which she readily accepted. She is in her first week of consistently sleeping through the night, which brings the promise of an extended day time schedule not too far away. (For you Babywise parents, we didn't get started until 3 months, and she is now on 3-3.5 hour schedule, 3 naps, and a 75-90 min waketime) She smiles and laughs and communicates constantly! She seems to be passing by milestones much more quickly, and I am sure that is a function of her being a second child. I would wait and wait for Noah to reach a milestone. With Abby it's like I wake up one day and realize "oh she can sit up without much support - COOL!" Nick and I have found ourselves missing (yes really) our Madison winter. NOT because of the snow, but because of the sheer joy we had in being together everyday. I asked him today if he could remember the smell of our home during winter - the smell associated with baking bread, staying in cozy robes until late morning, playing cards, being together all day long as a family. When we have been married for 65 years we will still remember that special winter where God took away our worldly security and gave us the gift of time together. We constantly return to the lessons we learned during those six months of unemployment as we build our life here in Northeast Ohio. I may blog more about those details later, but what is most important is that we continue to be confident that God has brought us here and is unfolding His plan for us. Praise the Lord for his Goodness!

Mommy and Noah date

This has been a wonderful morning! Noah and I went on a date! He had an appointment to get his hair cut, and after a very patient hair dresser finished making sense of his massive head of hair I did a fast Starbucks run to get him his first hot chocolate. We then drove to the town square park to drink our chocolate yummyness and play while waiting for Nick and Abby to join us for lunch at a local coffee shop.
I have to say I really don't understand my son! HE REFUSED HOT CHOCOLATE. He's refused chocolate milk too. I have raised him on such healthy beverage choices that he refuses anything that is sweet. I'm sure I shouldn't complain, but I just can not comprehend it. However, what he did not refuse was any and every opportunity to walk around town, holding my hand and learning about everything he saw. We talked about trees, leaves, trash cans, stairs, the sky, clouds, buildings, crosswalks, cars, trains, flowers, and autumn to name a few. He was so fascinated by everything.

Noah and I both need more days like today to be together learning about each other, enjoying the fall air and crunching leaves. I'm so grateful for my curious, mostly obedient, and genuinely delightful son! And to top it off, as if to thank me for a fun morning outdoors, he actually ate a SANDWICH. Don't laugh. It's not funny. My options for feeding this child lunch have been so hampered by his lack of interest in sandwiches. The door has just swung wide open to more options at meal times. Thank goodness!

Noah says Mama

A special Friendship

One of the more frustrating aspects of my story is that I have very dear friends all over the country. I am grateful to have these friends, but I wish I could keep them all with me. This last month the Lord has shown me the joy of continuing to invest in some of those friendships, and particularly with the woman who was my "best friend" through most of my childhood. I suppose Meghan and I were 8 or 9 years old when we met. That means we went through puberty together, and that in and of itself makes it a miracle that we are still close! :-) We made our lists of guys we liked, played MASH, spent 200 hours trying to put up a tent in our backyard, and that night my mom came and prayed for our future husbands. We also fought and joined different cliques and had our days of not being so nice. I'm not sure how Meghan remembers those moments, all I remember is that sometimes we really got along and sometimes not. I also remember she loved me even though I wasn't one of the "cool kids".

When we went our separate ways for college, I remember wondering what would happen to this precious friendship. As it happened the distance and maturing of the last nearly 10 years has only brought us closer together. And in 2006 we both married our husbands, and celebrated together in the same backyard where years before my mom had prayed. Now she and her husband are Aunt Meghan and Uncle Jeremy to our kids.

A few weeks ago Meghan gave us the greatest gift by taking time to visit us in our new home and help unpack. Noah's typical response to people is a bit of shyness at first, and then very friendly but not affectionate. Meghan came in and he did the shy bit, but within only a couple hours he was crawling in her lap and having the time of his life. It was such a great joy for me to watch their mutual affection!
During our time in Bluefield, Meghan gave me the best gift I could have hoped for - an evening with a friend without kids. We are both longing for more friendship right now, and she pressed me to figure out how to get away for some girl time. For three whole hours I was not responding to diapers, hungry bellies, and discipline issues, but gabbing with a wonderful woman about the struggles and joys of our lives (which of course included some gabbing about the owners of those diapers). I felt lavished by the love of her friendship, and I pray she does as well. I am so grateful for this beautiful woman!

Going home to our Mountains

We spent the first week of September in Bluefield and Roanoke. This was our first trip back since we were laid off, and it was nice coming home in a more stable place. The main reason for our trip was to have Abby baptized at CTK, our Church in Roanoke. I keep expecting to be disappointed when I return to Roanoke. After all, it has been a year since we left, and I know even if we moved back it would never be exactly the same. But I wasn't disappointed at all! Seeing my friends, worshiping at CTK, and driving around Roanoke all felt like coming home. Mercifully, leaving was not nearly as traumatic this time. As I drove from Roanoke to Bluefield I was overcome by the beauty of the area and the emotion of leaving those friends, but I also had hope and confidence that the Lord has great things for us in Ohio. And in fact, as we walked into our house (after a road trip from HELL) we both delighted in being in our home.

(Left to Right: Kim, Val, Me, Rebekah, and Amanda)

One of the highlights from our time in Bluefield was getting to introduce Abigail to her Great Grandparents! Mom and I took the kids to Welch for a visit with Birdie and Pap Pap (my dad's parents). We got to skype with them a few times during Abby's first days, but this was so much better! Abby quickly won them over with her smiles! Isn't that shocking! ;-) Noah always captures the delight of Pap Pap when he expresses his curiosity with the ways things work. He sat in the floor for several minutes figuring out how to screw the cap onto a bottle of water, and later he took Pap Pap's walker for a ride navigating it through doorways with great pride!

I also took Noah and Abby to visit with the Grahams a few times during the week. We were fortunate that our trip corresponded with one of Auntie Ashleigh's trips home so the kids got to see both of their aunts. Adrienne is 4 years old, and she and Noah seem to be able to play together pretty well now. Ashleigh is having a little girl this December, so Noah is going to be well out numbered! Just like his father it seems he is going to be the only boy in a family full of women. Should be good for him. :-)

Moving to Ohio, Part II

We pulled into Medina July 31 after a very long drive. Nick was pretty nervous about whether or not I'd like the house, and having picked our home in Madison I understood that fear. However, he got exactly what he was hoping for - me bouncing up and down with excitement! Our home is beautiful, inside and out. My favorite feature is that the kids' bedrooms are painted beautifully - one for a girl, one for a boy. Additionally, this is the first home where our furniture actually FITS the space! The neighborhood is full of children, and the neighbors are genuinely welcoming. My backyard neighbor has two kids the same distance and age as Noah and Abby, and we are already becoming quick friends. We've been here nearly a month and this already feels more like home then our neighborhood in Madison ever did.

Dining room that we converted to playroom for Noah.
Mom found that table at yard sale for $75, all trains and track included!!

I love our kitchen!!! We have an island!

We jumped into gear very quickly when we arrived. In fact, we opened up the truck and unloaded our mattress the first night in order to avoid staying in another hotel. As of right now there are a few boxes to deal with here and there, but just about everything is done. That success is due partially to the fact that we are tired of living in transition, but mostly to the help of family and my friend Meghan who all visited over the course of this month. Actually, for having been here a month we have had a lot of visitors. My parents and sister were here our first week to help with the grand kids while we did the majority of the unpacking. Nick's aunt and uncle happened to be in Cleveland for some classes, then his college roommate and girlfriend were driving through, and last week my lifelong friend, Meghan, came for a few days to help out and play with her adopted niece and nephew. Their company has been really invaluable to me, especially since I don't actually know people yet.

The kids are all doing very well. Abigail is clueless about all the fuss, and just doing her growing thing. Her smile is absolutely captivating! Noah struggled for the first week, but is doing well now. That first week he had a hard time sleeping day or night. The day everyone left we spent a lot of time cuddling and playing together and since that day he is back to 3 hour naps and 11-12 hours at night - Praise the Lord! Regarding the cuddling...Noah has been extraordinarily affectionate since we've been here. He climbs into my lap for hugs, sits with me while I nurse, and randomly gives hugs and kisses. I am sure that he is reaching out for that extra measure of security amidst all the change. For as long as it lasts I LOVE IT!In the meantime, Nick is continuing to love his work. They have given him August to set up his office, catch up on office work, and become familiarized with the staff and the system. Starting in September he has some regional and national trips, including one to Alaska in November. I'm so incredibly jealous! Abby is being baptized at our church in Roanoke Sept. 6 so I will be in the Bluefield/Roanoke area Aug.31-Sept. 7, and Nick will join us over Labor Day weekend. We are so excited to come home (for the first time since last Christmas) to introduce our darling little girl! Last time we were home Noah wasn't even walking...now he RUNS!

Please pray for our church search. Not having a church in Madison was really hard on us, and we have jumped into this search quickly. There has been a lot of discussion in our family this year about church and trying to understand what is essential and what is not. Ultimately, we want to be where the Lord wants us. Please pray that the Lord will give us wisdom and confidence as we look for a new church home.

For a year I have blogged about moving, transitions, new jobs, new baby, etc. I'm done. No, I'm not closing the blog. This is one of the few places where I can just sit with the mess of thoughts in my head, and work through them without driving anyone crazy. :-) I dare to claim, not with arrogance, but in faith, that we are done with major life transitions for a couple years. Yesterday, Nick and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary, and what we most want to give each other is some time for stability. Since 2006 we have moved four times; I finished my bachelor's degree, Nick his master's degree; we got engaged and married; Nick has had three jobs, including a 6 month term of unemployment; we've had two children, and now here we are INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL for the life we have, but ready to be done with that pace of significant changes. I trust that if the Lord has other plans for us that He will give us the strength to press forward, but I can also pray that the Lord would hear our prayer for a couple uneventful years, except for the natural "eventfulness" of two crazy kids and two goofy adults.