Belovedness

Today's Titus talk was about finding our identity in Christ, or as Henri Nouwen states embracing our belovedness. This is a hard topic for me. As my counselor would say, and as a friend reminded me last night...I'm way too hard on myself. I want to do it all perfectly! I know in my head that I can't, but that doesn't keep me from trying.

As I listened to our speaker today, I knew the Lord wanted me to just listen and absorb. But, even that seems so difficult! Immediately, I had a list going in my head of all the things I'm either doing wrong or not doing at all. My usual response would be to talk it out with Nick, devise a plan, and execute it. Sometimes that's helpful. As we've been challenged by our toddler and had to make decisions about discipline it was very helpful. However....it's not like I can just say...okay being the perfect mom/wife/host/person/Christian/... means too much to me so I'll just do this devotional and fix that problem.

I am in this awkward place where I know that my usual responses aren't what the Lord is asking from me, and probably what He does what from me is something much more "simple." Why is it so hard for my soul to just be still, embracing the knowledge that what is true is I am the beloved daughter of God???

Our speaker included a couple quotes today that I want to share in closing of this blog, because they spoke so powerfully to me.

"At every moment of our existence, God offers us this good news. Sadly, many of us continue to cultivate such an artificial idenitty that the liberating truthfulness of our belovedness fails to break through. So we become grim, fearful and legalistic. We hide our pettiness and wallow in guilt. We huff and puff to impress God, scramble for brownie points, thrash about trying to fix ourselves and live the gospel in such a joyless fashion that it has little appeal to nominal Christians and unbelievers searching for truth." - Brennan Manning

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior" - Isaiah 43:1-3a