Repentance and Peace

Nick and I were enormously shocked and disappointed when he came home Dec. 18 having been laid off by TomoTherapy, Inc. Our immediate reaction, as anyone may guess, was filled with tears, grief, and fear. However, I am not writing to illicit sympathy so much as to inform and testify to the Lord's faithfulness. Before I continue too much into our story, I would like to answer the questions most often asked, so those of you who have already been part of this conversation please feel free to skip to the "What's Next" section.

Why? Nick's layoff was part of a 12% reduction of workforce by TomoTherapy. We know that they made several efforts to avoid laying off people including all the senior leadership giving up their bonuses. Some people have commented that TomoTherapy was cruel to move us and then lay us off, and we would like to point out that the severity of this economic downturn was not something anyone could be fully prepared for. We harbor no anger towards this company, and have been treated very kindly by them through the entire process. Nick's boss seemed truly upset at having to go through with this decision. Nick has also received a great deal of support from others in his department, including half a dozen job leads, as well as letters and phone calls offering support.

Severance? Yes! Praise the Lord for a good severance package. We get paid through the end of February, though Health Insurance switches to Cobra at the end of January. They also agreed not to contest unemployment, and have included all unused vacation pay. In addition, he has been connected with a company that specializes in helping people through career transitions by offering training, networking, and counseling.

Just before holidays??! Yes, and we were grateful for that timing. It actually happened the day we headed back to Virginia. We ended up getting a voucher for our tickets due to an incoming storm, and racing our way out of Wisconsin and Illinois in order to beat the 1/4 inch of ice that was supposed to start forming only hours after we left. We did beat the storm, and the drive gave us lots of time to absorb and discuss. We spent our holiday in the warm embrace of our family and friends, continually being reminded of the faithfulness and goodness of God.

What's Next...From a logistical stand point, Nick has a stack of jobs that he is applying to, a couple of which are in Madison, but mostly all over the country. We had thought that he might go back to school, but the Lord closed that option this week due to the unavailability of his GRE scores. (They get deleted ater 5 years, and he took it over 5 years ago). Nick is also starting to think about other fields he could work in, as he never really purposed to go into Medical Physics so much as it was the available option when he needed a job. We will keep you updated through the blog as there is information worth telling.

Repentance and Peace...More importantly than any of the job search stuff (and we truly mean that) has been the way the Lord has already revealed some of what He is doing as it relates to our relationships with Him. He has brought us into a season of repentance so that we could better know His peace. The Lord began preparing us two weeks before the layoff when our small group, who has been doing Tim Keller's study on Romans, spent two hours on Romans 3 (no one is righteous). Perhaps for the first time in my life I was truly aware of the extremely uncomfortable reality of the way sin separates us from the Lord. I left that night wanting to grieve my sin, needing space to accept the reality, before moving on to the grace of the Gospel where relationship with Christ redeems us from our sinfulness. Little did I realize at the time, that the Lord was preparing me (and us) for a season of repentance, for neither of us have been actively living in relationship with the Lord. We have not longed to know, serve, talk about, or listen to the Lord more than we do one another and ourselves. Our Bibles have stayed closed, our prayers have felt forced, and my heart, especially, has felt cold. We had often felt convicted of this coldness and continued to cling to what we believed to be true, but nothing seemed to change except the extent of the guilt that we felt.

As Nick and I began processing what this layoff would mean for our lives, the Lord was tangably present in our midst and we seem to realize over and over that our pride has blinded us for too long. We are finding our comfort and security in a good job instead of the Lord. As we daily respond to the Lord's call to repent, the Lord has begun revealling himself as the true Prince of Peace. Our pastor in Roanoke preached about what it means that the Lord is the Prince of Peace the Sunday after we found out. It was a timely reminder that the Peace of God is not situational. Rather, God's peace, enables us to live without anxiety and fear throughout any situation. We pray daily that the Lord would keep us from being fearful lest we be tempted by unbelief. We believe now, more fully than any time in our lives, that the Lord is alive, in control, desires good for His people, but values relationship with Him more than our immediate comfort. We are so excited to see what His long term plan is, but we are also tremdously grateful for this season of life.

I think it was Martin Luther who said that the Christian life is one of daily repentance. I can see now how true that has to be, because even as I write this I know I must check myself for my motivation - do I long to make you think we are "better christians" or do I long to shout the glory of the God as he is revealing it in our lives. For a long time, I think I mostly shared faith stories to show my own "rightness." I am so grateful that the salvation of the world does not rest on my being right! I do pray that in sharing this story you will glimpse something of God's righteousness, and I also ask that you would faithfully lift Nick and I up as we ask God each day to help us remember the things He is teaching us, to learn how to listen to His voice, and to not live fearfully or discontentedly through these days of unemployment.